Scenes From a Marriage: You Had Me At...

Nate: Why do you have all that butter on the counter?
Emily: I'm softening it to bake it with the blueberries we haven't...
Nate interrupts
Nate: You had me at "butter" and "blueberries."

Scenes from a Marriage: Christmas Wishes

Nate: (mopping the floor yesterday to prepare for a party) Man, I wish I had asked Santa for a new mop for Christmas.

Nate the Great: a love poem (kind of)

A poem for my husband who insists on taking care of our mice infestation himself. Inspired by a nighttime reading of Green Eggs and Ham.

Nate is Great
Great is Nate

That Nate the Great
That Nate the Great
How I love that Nate the Great!
But he does not appreciate
My fear of mice and their mates*

I hate mice as they race
to corrupt, infest my space

Do they live inside the roof?
Yes, and they are not aloof.

Would you like them in your wall?
One died in there—quite the gall!

Crackers cookies, bread gnawed through
No wonder there is so much poo!

Would you like them eating fruit?
(They ate it all; the point is moot.)

Would you like them in the flour?
They chewed the lid with so much power!

In my closet, with such glee
I know they wait to devour me.

Would you like them in your bra?
Find poop there and shout, “Hurrah!”

Do you know they love my feathers?
Strew them with such obvious pleasure?

They live in walls and under chairs.
I swear they are the size of bears.

Nate the Great, dear Nate the Great
Now is the time: EXTERMINATE!
Clorox wipes have been divine
But, using them takes such time.

Think, (as I clean the poop and pee)
The Bubonic Plague came with their fleas.

Let’s kill them when they eat our fruit,
Let’s get rid of all that poop.
Out of flour, feathers, grains
Oh my gosh, they’re SUCH A PAIN!

In my bra, the roof, the wall
The mice believe they’ll conquer all.

But we can win, my dear, you’ll see
No need to feel we’re up a tree.

We’ll call a service that takes care
of this problem that makes friends scared.

They’ll come and plug holes mice have made.
When they do, let’s have a parade!

And others too will shout and cheer,
Perhaps even offer beer!
When you choose to obliterate
All our mice (with their mates).

*and their babies, too, 4-5 litters per year, scurrying around in the walls and attics, each dropping 25,000 dropping in their lifetime, but let’s not go there.

Scenes from a Marriage: Hot and Heavy

Emily is in the car with three screaming, crying kids. Nate is home.

Emily: I just want to warn you, everyone is crying, no one is happy...I feel like as I'm driving home that I'm trying to land a plane that's on fire.

Nate: Awesome.

Emily: What do you call that? When a pilot calls in to warn the tower that things are bad and it'll be rough when the plane lands?

Nate: They say that they're coming in hot and heavy.

Emily: Ok...Tower, we're coming in hot and heavy.

Scenes from a Marriage: Tramp Hole

Nate's Boss: Nate has to leave early today to go dig a hole to bury a tramp in his backyard...(pause)...You know, for most people, I wouldn't feel the need to specify that the hole is for a tramp as in "trampoline," not tramp as in a homeless person, but for Nate, I suspect I do.

Feliz Navidad!

Because this is as close as we"ll get to a Christmas card this year :)

Scenes from a Marriage: Pregnancy #3

Emily: (whispering during Sacrament meeting) See that woman? Her due date is 3 weeks ahead of me and she looks like she's 12 weeks behind me.
Nate: Yeah, I guess that's what age will do to you.

Note: Husbands and future husbands, this was not the correct response, even if the woman I'm talking about is 10 years younger and having her first baby.

Scenes from a Marriage: Who's Got Your Back

Actually, we've learned this past week that lots of people have our backs. Offers of babysitting, house and yard cleaning, and just genuine friendship have been given freely. We have a mountain of thank you notes to write.

Conversation 1:
Asher: Mom, you are REALLY hurting my feelings.
Mom: Asher, I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, but you've got to do what I ask.
Asher: Whatever, Mom. I'm going to have Aunt Rachel spank you bottom SO HARD.

Aunt Rachel is also the "best mom" according to Asher because she takes them swimming (see photos) and never yells at them.

Conversation 2:
Emily: Nate, tell me you made the little mouse teeth markings with a knife in the butter I left out last night, so I don't have to buy more traps.
Nate: Um, yes...yes, I was the one who did that. Certainly, not a roof rat like the one I caught while you were in Utah.

Scenes from a Marriage: Chores and Guilt

Emily: Nate, that mop you got is awesome!
Nate: Oh, good.

a little later in the day

Emily: Nate, that mop makes it so easy to mop the floor!
Nate: Oh, good.

that night

Emily: Seriously, have I told you how great that mop is?
Nate: Emily, I get the hint. I'll mop the floor, ok?
Emily: Oh, maybe that was a little Freudian, but seriously, I just wanted to tell you how rock star the new mop is.

Clearly, I'm getting a little too excited about new cleaning products.

Las Vegas Christmas

These pictures don't do our front yard justice, but since moving back to Arizona, Nate goes a little crazy with the Christmas lights. The first year we moved back to AZ, I was a little surprised because (not to put too fine a point on it) I remember hanging Christmas light in Massachusetts one year when I was 7 months pregnant while Nate watched TV. So, the year, he came home with the Santa train from Home Depot, I thought there was a joke I wasn't getting.

I joke that Nate goes to town on our yard because he's from Las Vegas. We don't do those white lights--we've got color EVERYWHERE plus the Santa on the train and a Santa on a carousel.

(I asked Nate is it was ok to have Santa in two places in a Christmas light display. He told me I was overthinking it.)

So, Nate does this every year, and I worry about the expense and the burning of fossil fuels. Not to mention that the first few nights, I think there are people who are casing our house because I notice cars slowing down in front of the house. Hmmm, I'm probably admitting too much about my neuroses here...

Still, Nate loves it and the boys love it, and I've been feeling a little better about it, too, since I hosted a preschool moms' night a few weeks ago. One of the moms said, "Oh, your house has the Santa train!" Then, she told us that last year, on tough nights when she and her daughter needed something to do, they would walk down our street, and our house was a favorite because of the Santa train. And, it would lift both of their spirits.

So, while I may think it's a little silly, I figure if one person told me it was brightening their holidays, it must brighten others' (including Nate).

Scenes from a Marriage: a gift for whom?

Nate said he got this for me.

But, the back of the magazine makes me wonder...

Scenes from a Marriage: Lunch

Old Faithful, Yellowstone National Park, last month (thanks for a fun trip, Granda and Grandpa!)

Emily: Hey, Nate, have you seen my sandwich?

Nate: I threw it away.

Emily: Why did you throw it away? I got a doggie bag so I could save it for later!

Nate: Look, I asked you three times if I could throw it and you never answered.

Emily: But, I never heard you!

And, then, I tried hard not to cry, feeling a little hungry but mostly, emotional from the strept throat some of our party were afflicted with, as we continued on our 14 hour day in Yellowstone.

**excellent camera skills, Evan!

Scenes from a Marriage: 10th Anniversary

Fall 2008--this conversation happened during the elections last year and thought I'd save it for our 10th anniversary. Little did I know that the dialogue wouldn't be applicable seven months later.

Nate: (a tirade about what Obama has done wrong, will do wrong, and is thinking about doing wrong)

Emily: Hey, remember that ecology major I married? A member of the Green Party, who was going to do the Peace Corps with me?

Nate: Yeah, now, I have an MBA, a pick-up truck, and a gun.

Emily: When are you gonna get a Confederate flag for the back window of your truck?

Nate: Where's that feminist who was going to be a religion professor, study in Israel, and have kids when she was 40?

Emily: Probably wondering where that consultant's wife with the uncontrollable kids gets the money to pay for those cute highlights and a fabulous housecleaner.

Post-recession: Nate's work has been slow, and my teaching contract wasn't renewed. So, my cute highlights and fabulous housecleaner are a distant memory as is Nate's truck.

Not to worry, though, our uncontrollable children remain uncontrollable, and ultimately, we're more grateful for things we have in abundance: love of family and friends, opportunities to grow, and more time to spend together.

And, while I'm being sentimental, I have been thinking the past couple weeks how happy I am to be married to Nate for 10 years. I still am sad when he leaves for work, I'm still excited when he comes home, and I don't think there's a much better time to be had than having a date with Nate any night of the week. I'm a lucky, lucky woman.

Scenes from a Marriage: Green Thumb

two days ago

Emily: You know, I transplanted this plant and have watered it like normal, but I think it may be rotting.
Nate: Well, does it have that rot smell?
Emily: No, it smells normal, but the leaves look yellow and it's all droopy.
Nate: Well, you still smell the organic smell, but underneath that, you'll sense a hint of rot.
Nate sniffs the dirt.
Nate: Yeah, it's rotting.
Emily: But, it just smells like dirt to me.

Today, I threw out the poor plant; the roots had rotted away.

Scenes from a Marriage: Genealogy, I am doing it...

a conversation unique to those of us who come from Utah Mormon stock...

Memorial Day 2009

Nate: Wait, isn't your family from a third wife?
Emily: Yeah.
Nate: You know, we're from the first wife.
Emily: Yeah, you tell me every year when we come up to Ephraim. And, only descendants from the first wife would think that's worth mentioning.


*pictures of Asher and Luke at Scandinavian Days in Ephraim, Utah

Scenes from a Marriage: Snoring

(a common conversation from 1999-2000 at night, in bed)

Nate snores--it kind of sounds like an airplane landing in the bedroom

Emily: Nate, roll over you're snoring.

Nate: Hmph (usually followed by a body movement that looks like he's thinking about rolling over, but can't quite get the momentum)
Nate continues to snore...

Emily: Nate, you're still snoring. Roll over.

Nate: HMPH (you guessed it, he still hasn't rolled over all the way)
Nate continues to snore...

Emily: NATE, roll over. You're STILL snoring!

Nate: HOW CAN I BE SNORING?! I'M NOT EVEN ASLEEP BECAUSE YOU. KEEP. TALKING. TO. ME!

Valentine's Day 2009

When Nate and I got engaged...

...we were still living in the 20th century (preparing for Y2K, even)

...Britney Spears was a fresh faced teenager just starting to make it big (she was planning on going to ASU. I wish I was as smart as Britney. That year, they accepted Britney and sent me a rejection letter.)

...Hugo Chavez was the newly elected president of Venezula (yeah, I'd like to say I knew that off the top of my head) and Jesse Ventura was elected govenor of Minnesota

...there's a lot of talk of that whole Monica Lewinsky thing

...I learned how to rock climb

...Nate learned how to not rock climb during finals

...we made a lot of banana cream pie together (I don't know why, but that was our date night dessert of choice)

...we enjoyed Life is Beautiful, Elizabeth, and Run, Lola, Run (but we didn't enjoy The Blair Witch Project--it made Nate a little motion sick; ok, really motion sick)

...I was starting to think, "Nate Curtis? Really? Who would have thought I was going to marry Nate Curtis?!"

Happy Valentine's Day/Engagement Day, Naters!

Scenes from a Marriage: Buche de Noel

For Christmas, Nate got me a cooking class at a local kitchen store so I could learn how to make a Buche de Noel (a French yule log with sponge cake, Grand Marnier chocolate mouse, chocolate buttercream frosting, and merengiue mushrooms--the class was two hours long and the only thing we made was the sponge cake. Everything else had to be done beforehand or else we would have been there for 6 hours.)

Emily: Nate, did you see the Buche de Noel I made?

Nate: No, I didn't see it yet.

Emily: (opens the box in the fridge and immediately begins hitting Nate) WHY DID YOU TAKE A BITE OUT OF IT?! IT'S FOR CHRISTMAS EVE TOMORROW!

Nate: I didn't take a bite out of it!

Emily: Oh...I guess it got damaged on the drive home.

(later)
Nate: Ok, I did take a bite, but it was just because I thought you didn't make it right because it looks so funny. And, then, I figured at least I could tell you it tasted good.

Emily: Um...that's exactly how it's supposed to look. And, this conversation is too good not to put on the blog.

In Nate's defense, I have posted the pictures. It's supposed to look like a fallen log in a French forest--see the powdered sugar snow and the dark chocolate bark?. And, yet, some family members have commented that it looks like a log they could make...in the bathroom.

Scenes from a Marriage: Mr. Fix-it

last week

Emily: Whoa! You totally fixed that train bridge! I've tried to fix it like 4 times. How did you do it?

Nate: With this special stuff...it's called wood glue.

Scenes from a Marriage: Medication

After I had hurt my back picking up toys...

Nate: So, did my muscle relaxer help?

Emily: Really, it doesn't feel any different.

Nate: Actually, I wasn't sure if that was my muscle relaxer prescription or my high blood pressure medication.