Friday, February 11, 2011

Nate the Great: a love poem (kind of)

A poem for my husband who insists on taking care of our mice infestation himself. Inspired by a nighttime reading of Green Eggs and Ham.

Nate is Great
Great is Nate

That Nate the Great
That Nate the Great
How I love that Nate the Great!
But he does not appreciate
My fear of mice and their mates*

I hate mice as they race
to corrupt, infest my space

Do they live inside the roof?
Yes, and they are not aloof.

Would you like them in your wall?
One died in there—quite the gall!

Crackers cookies, bread gnawed through
No wonder there is so much poo!

Would you like them eating fruit?
(They ate it all; the point is moot.)

Would you like them in the flour?
They chewed the lid with so much power!

In my closet, with such glee
I know they wait to devour me.

Would you like them in your bra?
Find poop there and shout, “Hurrah!”

Do you know they love my feathers?
Strew them with such obvious pleasure?

They live in walls and under chairs.
I swear they are the size of bears.

Nate the Great, dear Nate the Great
Now is the time: EXTERMINATE!
Clorox wipes have been divine
But, using them takes such time.

Think, (as I clean the poop and pee)
The Bubonic Plague came with their fleas.

Let’s kill them when they eat our fruit,
Let’s get rid of all that poop.
Out of flour, feathers, grains
Oh my gosh, they’re SUCH A PAIN!

In my bra, the roof, the wall
The mice believe they’ll conquer all.

But we can win, my dear, you’ll see
No need to feel we’re up a tree.

We’ll call a service that takes care
of this problem that makes friends scared.

They’ll come and plug holes mice have made.
When they do, let’s have a parade!

And others too will shout and cheer,
Perhaps even offer beer!
When you choose to obliterate
All our mice (with their mates).

*and their babies, too, 4-5 litters per year, scurrying around in the walls and attics, each dropping 25,000 dropping in their lifetime, but let’s not go there.


brandonm said...

Never has the word poop been used so artfully and so often in one poem!

Jessica Steed said...

You should publish this!
What's the story with the mouse in your bra?

EmilyCC said...

I went to get dressed one morning, and in my UNDERWEAR DRAWER, there was mouse poop in the cup of one of my bras. Sigh...

Nate said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Brooke said...

This poem made my day. Not only is it delightfully funny and clever, it makes me glad I only have a single mouse. I think. Which I plan to catch tonight with chocolate as bait. If things get worse here, you and I can swap stories.

Rachel said...

Best Post EVER!

Mary said...

EXTERMINATE! It's them or us! Now or never! As Churchill said, If you are going through hell, keep going." Also, "Kites rise highest against the wind - not with it." And perhaps more on topic: "Never, never, never give up!"

Thank you for the stirring poem.

jaredandmatisse said...

Brava!!! We had mice in our home in Massachusetts. It was a nightmare. I wish I had created such a poem about my woes. We should turn your poem into a blues song =).