Dear American Association of Pediatrics

Dear American Association of Pediatrics,

You know, I didn't handle the whole "no cold medicine for kids under 6" all that well a few years ago. And, now, we have to keep toddlers backward facing in carseats until they're 2?

I feel like you're out to get me. You come put my 25 pound baby in her carseat for the next 10 months, ok?

Sincerely,
The mom who's been up all night with a 4 year old with a cold

Something Good

Emma and Luke think this video from Grammy is awesome...



Grammy says the dog reminds her of Luke--always busy finding something to entertain himself.

Pregnancy Indulgences

Treat Tummy*: I want a Tofutti Cutie.
Me: How about a banana?
TT: No, a Mint Chocolate Chip Tofutti Cutie.
Me: Ok, you’ve already had 2 of those in the last hour. What about cherries?
TT: No.
Me: a peach?
TT: No.
Me: Some toast with Granda's raspberry jam?
TT: No.
Me: Anything else?
TT: Well, I could handle a chocolate chip cookie.
Me: You just had two of those in the last 15 minutes.
(pause and sigh)
Tofutti Cutie it is.

*A Treat Tummy is a stomach separate from one's regular tummy. It allows you to have a complete meal at a resturant and still be hungry for dessert. It perplexes my dad and my husband that they can eat with the women in our family who say, "I am completely full," and then, say, "So, where's dessert?"

(And I do worry that my TT seems to negotiate with me the same way my 5 year old does.)

The Holiday Merry-Go-Round

I know, little guys. Some day, I feel like I'm barely hanging on the holiday merry-go-round, too.

Scenes from a Marriage: a gift for whom?

Nate said he got this for me.

But, the back of the magazine makes me wonder...

Scenes from a Marriage: Green Thumb

two days ago

Emily: You know, I transplanted this plant and have watered it like normal, but I think it may be rotting.
Nate: Well, does it have that rot smell?
Emily: No, it smells normal, but the leaves look yellow and it's all droopy.
Nate: Well, you still smell the organic smell, but underneath that, you'll sense a hint of rot.
Nate sniffs the dirt.
Nate: Yeah, it's rotting.
Emily: But, it just smells like dirt to me.

Today, I threw out the poor plant; the roots had rotted away.

It's Okay, Obama. ASU Wouldn't Give Me a Degree Either.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	M - Th 11p / 10c
Arizona State Snubs Obama
thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Economic Crisis Political Humor

For those of you who don't know the story (because I'll tell it whenever I get a chance--it beautifully illustrates the arbitrariness (is that a word?) of the college/grad-school admissions process), I had a long list of grad schools I was planning on applying to when I got engaged. That engagement shortened my list. Nate had a year at ASU, so my choices were ASU and Harvard, which would let me defer enrollment for a year.

I applied to both and was accepted to Harvard. Two weeks later, I got my rejection letter from ASU. I wasn't that sad--it makes a great story, and I'm forever grateful that the rejection letter came AFTER the acceptance letter.

After a few years, I'm glad that I didn't get accepted to ASU because I was so scared of Harvard that I might have backed out if I had the option. We had to move 3000 miles away to a city with no jobs, very little money, all to pursue my dream. And, yes, my husband rocks for doing all that--especially if you knew about the job he worked while I went to school.

So, Obama, take heart. We may not be worthy of Arizona State University, but Nate says that really, Harvard is like the ASU of the East (and it seems the Daily Show agrees).

*Thanks, Dave for the Daily Show link!

Scenes from a Marriage: Easter Performance

After my organ/piano duet. Note: I was the one on the organ, and I, uh, don't know how to play the organ.

Nate: That was great!
Emily: No, it wasn't; I totally panicked.
Nate: Ok, but it was pretty good.
Emily: Really?
Nate: Yeah, if Rockband had scored it, it would have been above 90%

And, strangely, that made me think it wasn't that bad after all.

Wishing you a rockin' Easter!

The Celebrity Life

Sometimes, I compare myself to celebrity moms who have kids the same age as my kids(because Gwen Stefani and I are SO similar--I mean we both have 2 boys, we pay someone to make us blonde, and...um...I guess that's where the similarities end).

And, I occasionally get all bummed that I'm not as skinny as they are--like when Denise Richards and I had babies days apart, and then, 6 weeks later, she was modeling for Playboy when I was thinking, "Whoohoo! Size 10 here I come!" (Ok, that's a lie; it wasn't 6 weeks...it was 6 months.)

I guess I felt bad because Playboy didn't ask me to model for them.

So, I'd been hearing all this talk about Gwenyth Paltrow's Goop newsletter and went to check it out. I heard she had some recipes on there, and I'm always looking for something tasty to make. I'm so glad I did because I now realize why I'll never be as thin as a celebrity.

Clearly, I just don't have the dedication.

Like I'm going to consume half a cup of castor oil to loose a few pounds? I've never been that desperate even when I was pregnant and hoped it might start labor. And, I don't think I could eat most of those soups without, the remedy my friend, Sara, suggested with her wheatgrass experiment--a handful of chocolate chips to get the soup's taste out of my mouth.

I think I'll go and enjoy some Cadbury eggs, and I'll have an extra handful in honor of you, Gwenyth, because that's the kind of big-hearted (and big-bottomed) gal I am.

(I'll also try your biscuit recipe because it did look like a winner, and really, when I sound snotty, it's because I'm totally jealous. I mean the closest thing I have to a Coldplay concert is when my pre-teen piano students play "Clocks" for me.)

Scenes from a Marriage: Snoring

(a common conversation from 1999-2000 at night, in bed)

Nate snores--it kind of sounds like an airplane landing in the bedroom

Emily: Nate, roll over you're snoring.

Nate: Hmph (usually followed by a body movement that looks like he's thinking about rolling over, but can't quite get the momentum)
Nate continues to snore...

Emily: Nate, you're still snoring. Roll over.

Nate: HMPH (you guessed it, he still hasn't rolled over all the way)
Nate continues to snore...

Emily: NATE, roll over. You're STILL snoring!

Nate: HOW CAN I BE SNORING?! I'M NOT EVEN ASLEEP BECAUSE YOU. KEEP. TALKING. TO. ME!

Scenes from a Marriage: Buche de Noel

For Christmas, Nate got me a cooking class at a local kitchen store so I could learn how to make a Buche de Noel (a French yule log with sponge cake, Grand Marnier chocolate mouse, chocolate buttercream frosting, and merengiue mushrooms--the class was two hours long and the only thing we made was the sponge cake. Everything else had to be done beforehand or else we would have been there for 6 hours.)

Emily: Nate, did you see the Buche de Noel I made?

Nate: No, I didn't see it yet.

Emily: (opens the box in the fridge and immediately begins hitting Nate) WHY DID YOU TAKE A BITE OUT OF IT?! IT'S FOR CHRISTMAS EVE TOMORROW!

Nate: I didn't take a bite out of it!

Emily: Oh...I guess it got damaged on the drive home.

(later)
Nate: Ok, I did take a bite, but it was just because I thought you didn't make it right because it looks so funny. And, then, I figured at least I could tell you it tasted good.

Emily: Um...that's exactly how it's supposed to look. And, this conversation is too good not to put on the blog.

In Nate's defense, I have posted the pictures. It's supposed to look like a fallen log in a French forest--see the powdered sugar snow and the dark chocolate bark?. And, yet, some family members have commented that it looks like a log they could make...in the bathroom.

Scenes from a Marriage: Mr. Fix-it

last week

Emily: Whoa! You totally fixed that train bridge! I've tried to fix it like 4 times. How did you do it?

Nate: With this special stuff...it's called wood glue.

And now for something completely different!!

What happens when the French and Canadian militaries collaborate on a project?

Asher gives this video a great big "Oh No!" whenever I play it for him.

Scenes from a Marriage: Medication

After I had hurt my back picking up toys...

Nate: So, did my muscle relaxer help?

Emily: Really, it doesn't feel any different.

Nate: Actually, I wasn't sure if that was my muscle relaxer prescription or my high blood pressure medication.

He taught me how to praise my god and still play rock and roll

Love blog hopping (which I prefer to the term, stalking, though I'm completely guilty of that, too. But really, is it stalking if you don't know them? Or, is it just pathetic?)--anyway, how else would I have found this?

Scenes from a Marriage: Smartypants

This week...
Anna: Last night, Nathan and I watched an episode of this series we checked out at the library.

Emily: Oh, Nate and I do that, too! What are you guys watching?

Anna: It's a historical drama about the Napoleonic wars.

Emily: Whoa! I bet you're learning a lot.

Anna: (downplaying because she's nice like that) Oh, no, it's really more a drama than something that's historically-accurate. What are you watching?

Emily: Um, a sci-fi cowboy series.

Scenes from a Marriage: Secrets

Out with friends circa 2001...

Nate: You know, Emily does (something embarrassing, I can't remember what because I do plenty of embarrassing things--I'm sure Nate will fill this part in).

Emily: Oh my gosh, I can't believe you just said that! It's a total secret!

Husband friend: That's ok, you know our secret about trying to get pregnant.

Emily: Oh...no, I, uh, didn't know about that.

Husband friend: We told Nate...you didn't tell her?

Nate: Well, no. You said to keep it a secret.

Emily: So, you'll keep secrets for your friends from your wife, but you won't keep secrets for me?

The Truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth

Asher asks to go to the library every morning because they have an extensive Thomas the Train DVD collection. I'm not sure he even knows that there are books there.

Asher has a close relationship with Jesus. He's always pointing out Jesus at Church and at the mall, the park, the dry cleaners because everyone with a beard is Jesus.

Luke is so verbal, talks all the time. He says things like, "Go away, NO, no, NOOOOO, No, yuck, go, NO." And, he's taken to hitting inanimate objects and yelling, "No" to them. Is this Unabomber behavior?

Luke loves to go to Grammy's house. When he realizes we're going to Grammy's, he starts his chant, "Wee-O, Wee-O, Wee-O" (which is actually, "Julio, Julio, Julio"). Then, he pushes people out of the way to get to his best friend, Julio, my mom's dog.

Asher, Luke, and I wake up at 5:30 am, ready to go. And then, I get them a bowl of Cheerios, their sippy cups and blankets on my bed so they can watch TV, and I can go back to sleep for another hour. Ok, maybe two hours.

And, this cute summertime picture? They're naked, and we have an apartment complex that looks right into our backyard.

Dad's Pancakes

Now that Emily has revealed my secret of “Dad Pancakes” I am obligated to follow Securities and Exchange Commission Regulation FD which reads:

“Regulation FD (Fair Disclosure) is the regulation that provides that when an organization, or person acting on behalf of the organization, discloses material nonpublic information to certain enumerated persons (in general, other sleep deprived desperate parents, securities market professionals and stockholders who may well change their behavior based on the information), the organization must make instant (or as close to instant as possible) public disclosure of that information.”

Failure to make full disclosure regarding “Dad’s Pancakes” could result in trading sanctions, decreased time allotments for watching the NBA Playoffs, and increased penalties in the form of additional home repairs, and “Girls’ Night Out” assistance.

The following step-by-step guide will result in immediate and guaranteed satisfied breakfast for children between the ages of 1 and 3. It is possible that the age range for breakfast satisfaction could extend beyond 3 years of age, but the research and development division of the Curtis Family is still in clinical trials for the older age group. Results are pending.

The primary problem that Dad’s face when attempting to implement the “Dad Pancake” strategy is that bread with syrup on it really does not taste very good. However, bread with syrup on it does look remarkably like traditional pancakes with syrup.

1. On a Saturday morning wake up with the kids, give your wife a gentle kiss on the cheek and tell her you will take the kids for a while so she can sleep in. This will immediately set off at least a half dozen alarms and warnings in Wife’s head, but if you move quickly out of the room, the alarms will not overcome Wife’s natural sleep deprivation. She will be back to sleep within minutes.

If Wife does voice concern about your unusual behavior, simply hum a lullaby until she returns to sleep. If the lullaby does not work, abort the mission, bring the kids into the bedroom, turn the TV on loud and begin wrestling with the kids in bed. This strategy will increase the likelihood that Wife will not question your behavior the next time you attempt to complete the “Dad’s Pancakes” strategy.

2. Once the Wife factor has been nullified, gather the children and ask them if they want pancakes for breakfast. Once everyone is excited about the pancake prospect, seat them around the kitchen table and retrieve a skillet (usually located in a lower cabinet near the large front-loading appliance that Wife uses to make dinner, also known as an oven)

3. Place the skillet on the oven as if you are cooking traditional pancakes. It is important at this point to distract the children with songs and comedic actions so they do not realize that you are not actually putting anything into the skillet.

4. Retrieve two slices of wheat bread for each child. Wheat bread is necessary because it is the same color as traditional pancakes. Using a knife, remove the crusts from the bread and cut each slice into a round shape.

5. Place the bread on a microwave safe plate and nuke for 20 seconds, this softens and warms the bread to further mimic traditional pancakes.

6. Now is time for the crucial presentation step. This will make or break the “Dad Pancake” strategy, and it is a one-time deal. If you screw this up, you will never enjoy the benefits of the most simple happy breakfast meal ever created.

Take the plate containing the bread in your left hand and the syrup container in your right hand (invert for left-handed fathers). Place the plate in front of the oldest child first using an over-the-head placement trajectory so that the child only has a few moments to inspect the bread that is masquerading as pancakes. Quickly follow with a steady stream of syrup starting close to the bread then raise the syrup container higher with a quick upwards motion and a loud “Uuuuup”. This will further distract the children from the round piece of bread that is now covered in syrup (note: you must use cool or cold syrup for the long-pour portion of the strategy, using heated syrup will result in messy splashing. Syrup stored at 40 degrees Fahrenheit has sufficient viscosity to be poured from 6 feet without splashing).

7. Using a knife and/or fork quickly cut the bread into bite-size pieces for the oldest child. By this time you will know whether or not the “Dad Pancake” strategy was successful. Once the oldest begins eating the syrup soaked bread then the other children will not question the validity or acceptability of “Dad’s Pancakes” no matter how funny they taste.

8. After successful execution of the “Dad Pancake” strategy, any time a meal is needed, simply tear bread into small pieces and pour syrup on top in a location where the children cannot readily see your activities.

Using the “Dad Pancake” strategy will allow you to get credit from Wife for preparing a nice breakfast for the kids, and bonus points for cleaning up after making a nice breakfast for the kids.

The kids will now associate the taste of “Dad Pancakes” with one of their favorite foods and will always be happy to receive little more than bread with syrup on it.

Disclaimer: reaction of Wife when she realizes what “Dad Pancakes” are can vary.

a bumper sticker for Nate

I posted an Exponent II classic on my Mormon feminist blog on Monday about the perfect Mormon woman, Patti Perfect.

One of our commentors mentioned that Patti still has many of the same responsibilities, but today's Paul Perfect helps out a lot more with those responsibilities. I don't think this just applies to Mormon men. I think the men of my generation are, for the most part, rather amazing at taking on their share of the housework and kiddo duties.

Now, I don't like to brag, but my husband does these things particularly well. And, while there are still some men who aren't as enlightened (Nate went to grad school with a guy who bragged about never having changed a diaper...not really something to brag about, buddy), I think they are few and far between.

Sometimes, I don't acknowledge Nate and his efforts enough. So, I thought, "How can I put off grading?" And, then, I thought, "What better way to thank Nate for all his accomodations than to come up with a really swell bumper sticker?"

Tah Dah...
Don't like the F-word? No problem...